Seven o'clock snow

I took Anna outside to play in the snow this evening after dinner. Brent took her out last night while I stayed warm inside with Emily. I watched them from the window and they had so much fun. Anna loved the snow. We haven't had much snow this winter and this was the first she really got out to play. So tonight it was my turn. Anna and I bundled up and we went outside. And it was so good for my soul.

Anna found joy in winter weather. She liked walking in the snow, crunching her boots on the icy parts, brushing snow from the top of bushes. She played with her mini shovel and asked for her mini rake from spring time. We imagined we were looking for animals in the snow and found a cow and a snake. We threw snow balls at each other. We made snow angels. I haven't made a snow angel in years. We threw snow up in the air and watched it fall down around us. Anna said the snow tasted like sugar. I even tasted it, too. I pulled her around in the sled and we laughed.

I really laughed. Really laughed. One of those. A lot of those, actually. We laughed a lot. I felt free and child-like. It was awesome.

We made snow angels two times. The first time, Anna went first and I watched. I lifted her from her from the snow and we looked (I marveled) at her perfect little tiny snow angel impression left in the front yard. Then it was my turn. I was lying there in the snow, it felt cold and exhilarating and again I felt like a child. And I thought of my brother. For that brief moment, in between the chatter of a three year old, I was on my back in the snow looking at the dark night sky thinking of Scott. I looked up at the sky and said to myself, "I miss you". And "I wonder if you're up there". Is heaven really in the sky? It's kind of weird that I think that it is, like it's a place above me and Scott may be looking down at me. I guess that's an okay way to think. In that moment, I hoped he was looking at me while I made a snow angel, while I thought of him, while Anna stood at my side. And then back to reality, back to Anna and shovels and rakes and pretend animals in the snow.

The second time, Anna and I made snow angels together. We were next to each other and we watched the moon peek in and out of the clouds in the sky. Instead of thinking of Scott this time, I thought of Anna. And hoped she wouldn't be frightened by the slightly eery display of the moon disappearing in the dark clouds. To distract her a bit, we shouted out "Hi Moon!". She liked that.

I thought to get a picture of our snow angels, but I didn't want to go back inside to get the camera. And then I ran her around the yard in the sled leaving only sled tracks and foot prints. As it should be. I took a picture instead of our boots once we got inside. Sometimes the memory is best kept in my mind and I will hold the image of our mother and daughter snow angels close.

As I was putting away the sled and while Anna filled a little bucket up with snow to show Emily, I thought of my mom. And wished she could have been there to share that moment. To feel free and really laugh. It felt so good and I realized I had not felt like that in a long time. And I wanted that for my mom.

I will remember this evening in the snow. Precious moments shared with Anna and with my memories. Mixed emotions as sister, mother, and daughter. But mostly, I felt happy. There is hope for more moments like this one.